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"When are you going to find someone?"
"Don't you want to fall in love?"
"You'll meet the right person eventually."
For aromantic people, these questions feel like speaking a different language. Not because they're cold, broken, or afraid of commitment. Because they genuinely don't experience romantic attraction, and the world can't seem to accept that's a perfectly valid way to be human.
Here's the truth: You don't need romantic love to live a life of fulfilment. You're aromantic.
Aromanticism, often shortened to "aro," means experiencing little to no romantic attraction to others. It's a romantic orientation that affects how you experience love, relationships, and connection.
The opposite of aromantic is alloromantic (often shortened to "allo"), which describes people who do experience romantic attraction in the typical way. Whilst society treats alloromantic experiences as universal and essential, aromantic people prove otherwise.
Whether you're questioning your own orientation or supporting someone who's aro, understanding aromanticism matters. Here's what you need to know.
Aromantic means experiencing little to no romantic attraction to others. People who are aromantic don't develop crushes or fall in love the way alloromantic people do.
Here's what's crucial to understand: aromanticism is about attraction, not choice or capability.
Some aromantic people have romantic relationships. Some don't. Some want committed partnerships. Some prefer solitude. Some experience other types of love deeply. Some are romance-repulsed. All of these are valid ways to be aromantic.
Think of it this way: a gay person doesn't stop being gay when they're single. An aromantic person doesn't stop being aromantic based on whether they're in a relationship.
Aromanticism exists on a spectrum, often called the "aro spectrum" or "arospec." Not everyone experiences aromanticism in the same way:
Aromantic: Experiencing little to no romantic attraction to anyone, regardless of gender.
Grey-romantic (Greyromantic): Experiencing romantic attraction rarely, only under specific circumstances, or with very low intensity. Grey-romantic people exist in the grey area between aromantic and alloromantic.
Demiromantic: Only experiencing romantic attraction after forming a strong emotional bond with someone. Demiromantic people don't experience primary romantic attraction. They need that deep connection first.
Lithromantic: Experiencing romantic attraction whilst not wanting it reciprocated. May lose attraction if feelings are returned.
Cupioromantic: Not experiencing romantic attraction whilst still desiring a romantic relationship.
Recipromantic: Only experiencing romantic attraction after learning the other person is romantically attracted to them first.
Many people find that one of these labels fits their experience better than others, whilst some simply identify as "aro" or "on the aromantic spectrum."
This is where it gets important: romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same thing.
Aromanticism describes romantic attraction (or lack thereof). Asexuality describes sexual attraction (or lack thereof). These are separate aspects of identity, which means:
You can be aromantic and still experience sexual attraction. Many aro people want sexual relationships, casual encounters, or friends-with-benefits arrangements. They're aromantic allosexuals, sometimes called "aroallo."
You can be alloromantic and still be asexual. Some people want romantic relationships without the sexual component.
You can be both aromantic and asexual (often shortened to "aroace"). These individuals experience neither romantic nor sexual attraction. If you're exploring asexuality, our guide explains what it means to live without sexual attraction.
Aromantic people who do experience sexual attraction might identify as aromantic heterosexual, aromantic gay, aromantic bisexual, or other orientations describing who they're sexually attracted to.
This is called the split attraction model, and it helps aro people describe the full picture of their identity.
What do people get wrong about aromanticism? Pretty much everything. These are the most common myths.
This is perhaps the most damaging stereotype. Aromantic people are often called "heartless," "robots," or "incapable of love."
Here's the reality: aromantic people experience the full range of human emotions. They love their families. They cherish their friends. They form deep bonds. They feel joy, grief, excitement, and connection.
What they don't feel is romantic love. That's one specific type of love, not the entirety of human emotion.
Many aromantic people place higher value on friendships and other platonic relationships because that's where their emotional needs are met. That's not cold. That's knowing yourself.
This dismissive statement suggests aromanticism is temporary or will change with the "right" partner. For aromantic people, that's not how it works.
Aromanticism typically becomes noticeable around puberty and is not the result of heartbreak, trauma, or "bad experiences" with romance (though some people do become aromantic due to trauma, which is equally valid).
Telling an aro person they'll change when they "meet the right person" invalidates their current identity and lived experience.
Many aromantic people have committed partnerships, get married, raise children, and build families. These relationships look different from traditional romantic partnerships, and that doesn't make them less valid or fulfiling.
Some aro people are in relationships with other aro people. Some are in "mixed" relationships with alloromantic partners, where they navigate differing needs around romance with communication and boundaries.
Some aromantic people pursue queerplatonic relationships (more on this later). Some remain single and find fulfilment through friendships, family, work, hobbies, and other connections.
There's no single "right" way to be aromantic.
Aromanticism is an orientation, not a fear. Many aromantic people form deep, lifelong commitments. They're loyal friends, dedicated family members, and reliable partners. They're perfectly capable of commitment.
What they're not is romantically attracted to people. That's different from being "commitment-phobic."
Aromantic people have a wide range of attitudes towards romance:
Romance-repulsed: Uncomfortable with romantic content, gestures, or situations. May feel distress at romantic media or expectations.
Romance-indifferent: Neutral about romance. May engage with romantic content or situations without strong feelings either way.
Romance-favourable: Enjoy romantic content (books, films, etc.) or romantic gestures whilst still not experiencing romantic attraction themselves.
All of these are valid ways to experience aromanticism. Your attitude towards romance doesn't determine whether you're "really" aromantic. Lack of romantic attraction does.
Many aromantic people describe confusion before discovering the term. Common experiences include: Never having crushes whilst friends obsess over them. Feeling alienated when everyone else seems to "get" romance and you don't. Thinking you're emotionally stunted or broken. Forcing yourself into romantic relationships because it's "what you're supposed to do." Wondering why you can't connect with romantic storylines in media.
Then you find the word "aromantic" and think: Oh. This is a thing. I'm not broken. Other people feel this way too.
Alice Oseman, creator of Heartstopper and openly aroace, described discovering the terms whilst at university. She's said: "It's a really difficult thing to deal with, and to overcome mentally, to accept that your path in life is going to be different and the way you experience life will be too."
Coming out as aro comes with unique challenges. Aromanticism is even less known than asexuality, which means you're often educating people whilst also being vulnerable about your identity.
Common responses aro people receive include: "You'll change your mind." "That's so sad. Don't you feel lonely?" "Everyone wants to fall in love." "You're too young to know that." "Maybe you're just afraid of vulnerability."
These responses, whilst often well-intentioned, are invalidating and dismissive. They suggest aromanticism isn't real or that it's a problem to be solved.
Some aro people choose to come out widely. Others only tell close friends. There's no requirement to come out, and your identity is valid whether or not you share it with others.
Here's a term you need to know: amatonormativity.
Coined by philosopher Elizabeth Brake, amatonormativity is "the assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types."
In simpler terms: society treats romantic love as universal, essential, and more valuable than any other type of relationship.
For aromantic people, this creates constant friction: Valentine's Day and the expectation of romantic gestures. Wedding culture and the assumption everyone wants to get married. Media where character development requires romantic subplots. Friendship being treated as a "placeholder" until you find "the one." Being asked "are you seeing anyone?" as a measure of life success. The pressure to prioritise romantic partners over friends or family.
Navigating amatonormativity requires aromantic people to constantly assert their identity and challenge societal assumptions about what makes a life meaningful.
One of the most beautiful concepts to emerge from the aromantic community is the queerplatonic relationship, or QPR.
A QPR is a committed partnership that goes beyond traditional friendship whilst not being romantic. It "queers" the platonic. It challenges the assumption that deep commitment, life partnership, and emotional intimacy require romance.
Queerplatonic relationships might include: Living together. Raising children together. Sharing finances. Making major life decisions together. Physical affection (cuddling, hand-holding, etc.). Deep emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Lifelong commitment.
What they don't include is romantic attraction. Partners in QPRs (sometimes called "zucchinis," a term that started as a joke about the lack of language for these relationships) build partnerships based on what works for them, not what society dictates.
QPRs are a direct challenge to amatonormativity. They prove that romance isn't required for deep, committed, lifelong partnerships.
The aromantic community is welcoming, diverse, and growing. Finding other aro people (whether online or in person) can be transformative.
Online communities like AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) and Arocalypse connect aro people worldwide. Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (held annually the first full week after Valentine's Day) brings together aro people for visibility and community building. AUREA (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy) works to increase recognition and education. Social media hashtags like #Aromantic and #AroPride connect aro people globally.
You're not alone. Not even close.
One of the joys of the aromantic community is its unique sense of humour and symbols. Aro culture has developed its own set of inside jokes, memes, and references that bring the community together and make being aro feel less isolating and more fun.
Pizza: Whilst ace people claim garlic bread, aromantic people have adopted pizza as their unofficial food. The joke is simple: pizza is better than romance. You can share it with friends, it comes in endless varieties, it never lets you down, and you don't need candlelight or Valentine's Day to enjoy it. Pizza represents platonic connection, friendship, and the fact that the best things in life don't require romance.
Arrows: The word "aro" sounds like "arrow," so arrows have become a beloved symbol in aromantic communities. You'll see arrow imagery in aro art, jewellery, and memes. Some aro people wear arrow necklaces or get arrow tattoos as a subtle nod to their identity. It's a visual pun that also represents independence and finding your own direction.
Green: The aromantic flag features two shades of green, and green has become strongly associated with aro identity. Aro people often incorporate green into their wardrobes, accessories, or spaces as a quiet signal of pride.
"Aro" puns: The aromantic community loves wordplay. "Aro and behold!" "Aro you kidding me?" These puns show up constantly in aro spaces, adding levity to discussions about identity.
Platonic Valentine's Day alternatives: Many aro people celebrate "Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week" (the week after Valentine's Day) or "Galentine's Day" with friends. Pizza parties with platonic friends are a common way to reclaim February as a month about all kinds of love, not romantic love.
These jokes and symbols might seem silly, and they absolutely are. That's the point. For people who've felt alienated by society's obsession with romance, finding a community that can laugh together about pizza and arrows is healing. It transforms something that once felt isolating into something shared and joyful.
The humour also serves another purpose: it makes aromanticism more visible and approachable. Someone might stumble across a meme about pizza being better than dating, laugh, then think "wait, is that actually how some people feel?" and discover they're aromantic. The memes are a gateway to understanding.
For years, aromanticism was virtually invisible. Even within LGBTQ+ spaces, aro people were (and sometimes still are) overlooked or excluded.
Visibility changes that: Young people questioning their orientation have language to describe their experiences. Aromantic individuals feel less isolated when they see representation. Society develops better understanding of the diversity of human experience. Mental health outcomes improve when people feel seen and validated.
Every person who speaks openly about being aromantic helps combat invisibility and validates others in the community.
The aromantic pride flag was designed in 2014 by Cameron Whimsy. It consists of five horizontal stripes:
 |
Dark Green: Represents aromanticism Light Green: Represents the aromantic spectrum White: Represents platonic and aesthetic attraction Grey: Represents grey-romantic and demiromantic people Black: Represents the sexuality spectrum (aro people of all sexual orientations) |
The flag serves as a unifying symbol for the aro community and a visible sign of aro pride.
Like asexual people have the black ace ring, aromantic people have the white aro ring: a white ring worn on the middle finger of the left hand.
The tradition began around 2015 on AVEN forums, mirroring the ace ring that had been established a decade earlier. Community members wanted a subtle way to signal their aromantic identity to other aro people, and the white ring became the standard.
Why the middle finger of the left hand? The placement mirrors the ace ring (right middle finger) whilst being distinct. The left hand avoids confusion with the ace ring, and the middle finger was chosen as a neutral option.
Why white? White represents the white stripe on the aromantic pride flag (platonic and aesthetic attraction). It's visually distinct from the black ace ring, allowing people who are both aromantic and asexual to wear both rings.
What wearing an aro ring means:
"I'm aromantic." It's a quiet declaration of identity, visible to those who know to look for it.
"You're not alone." When another aro person spots your ring, there's instant recognition. You've found each other.
"I'm proud of who I am." The ring is an affirmation that aromanticism is valid, real, and nothing to hide.
"Romance isn't my priority, and that's okay." For people navigating a romance-obsessed world, the ring is a gentle reminder to yourself and others.
In family settings or professional environments where being openly aromantic might be complicated, a white ring offers a subtle signal. Other aro people will recognise it. Those who don't might think it's fashionable jewellery.
Whether you prefer the subtlety of a white ring, or want something bolder, our aromantic bracelet keeps your aro identity visible. Because invisibility in a romance-obsessed world is exhausting, and you deserve to be seen for who you are: someone whose life is complete without romantic love.
Representation has slowly improved in recent years, with more aromantic characters and public figures speaking openly about their identities.
Isaac Henderson (Heartstopper): The most significant recent aromantic representation comes from Heartstopper, where Isaac's journey of self-discovery in seasons 2 and 3 shows the confusion, research, and eventual acceptance of being aroace. Created by Alice Oseman (who is herself aroace), Isaac's storyline handles aromanticism with sensitivity rarely seen in mainstream media.
Peridot (Steven Universe): Though not explicitly stated in the show, creator Rebecca Sugar confirmed Peridot as aroace, making her significant representation in animation.
Alice Oseman: British author and creator of Heartstopper. Oseman identifies as aroace and has been vocal about how discovering these terms would have helped them understand themselves earlier. Their book "Loveless" features an aroace protagonist.
Yasmin Benoit: British model, activist, and writer who identifies as aromantic asexual. Benoit challenges stereotypes and co-founded the UK's first Asexual Awareness Week. She's written: "I live a perfectly happy and fulfiled life as a Black asexual, aromantic woman. I don't need a partner to complete me. I'm complete the way I am."
Michaela Coel: British writer, director, and actor known for "I May Destroy You" and "Chewing Gum." In a 2014 interview, Coel said: "I Googled aromanticism and I very much felt like, 'Oh, that's me.' I am OK being by myself. I like having intimate relationships, I don't want to change people or want to be changed by anyone."
Jaiden Animations: Popular YouTuber and animator who came out as aroace in a 2022 video that has been viewed millions of times, significantly increasing aromantic visibility.
AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network): Though primarily focused on asexuality, AVEN has extensive aromantic resources and forums, including a UK and Ireland section.
AUREA (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy): Dedicated organisation working to increase aromantic recognition, education, and advocacy.
Arocalypse: Online forum specifically for the aromantic community, offering support, resources, and connection.
Stonewall UK: Major UK LGBTQ+ charity that includes aromantic people in their advocacy and resources.
Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline: 0300 330 0630 (10:00-22:00 every day). Safe space to discuss orientation, including aromanticism.
LGBT Foundation: 0345 3 30 30 30 (Monday-Friday, 10:00-18:00). Support and advice for LGBTQ+ people, including understanding of aro experiences.
MindOut: Mental health service run by and for LGBTQ+ people, explicitly welcoming those who identify as aromantic.
"Loveless" by Alice Oseman: Young adult novel featuring an aroace protagonist navigating university, friendship, and self-discovery.
"Minimizing Marriage" by Elizabeth Brake: Philosophical work that coined the term "amatonormativity" and explores alternatives to traditional relationship structures.
"The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality" by Julie Sondra Decker: Whilst focused on asexuality, includes extensive discussion of aromanticism and the split attraction model.
r/aromantic on Reddit: Active community with over 80,000 members sharing experiences, memes, and support.
Arocalypse Forums: Dedicated aromantic forum where aro people discuss everything from coming out to QPRs to aro culture.
#Aromantic and #AroPride: Social media hashtags connecting aro people globally and sharing aro visibility content.
Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week: Annual awareness campaign held the first full week after Valentine's Day, with events and resources worldwide.
Romance isn't the pinnacle of human connection. It's one type of love among many. Your friendships, your family bonds, your creative pursuits, your passions, your partnerships (romantic or not), your community. All of these are valid sources of meaning and fulfilment.
Whether you've known you were aro for years or you're reading this and thinking "wait, this might be me," you're part of a vibrant, diverse, wonderful community.
Understanding aromanticism often means understanding the split attraction model. Many people are both aromantic and asexual (aroace), experiencing neither romantic nor sexual attraction. If you're exploring both orientations, our companion guide explains what it means to live without sexual attraction: You're Not Broken: Understanding Asexuality.
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